Separation and divorce are messy.
Often they mean not only the breaking down and loss of a deeply meaningful relationship (of a best friend). They can also be the breaking up of a family and social networks.
For some married couples separation can serve a purpose. Sometimes a relationship is just ready to be over. But don’t stop here.
Judging by the fact that you are here, there’s still strength and potential in your marriage. If that desire is there, let’s utilize that to move forward. Let’s just take a few moments to look at your marriage as it currently is.
Some important questions to gauge if your marriage can be saved by marriage counselling in Victoria or otherwise
- You’re here on this site, so you care.
- Your marriage used to be the best part of your life (maybe it still is).
- The problems you are having can be fixed.
- Though you know your marital problems can be fixed, you know you need help.
- Your love is still there, and you feel like it always will be.
- When you work on yourself your relationship will improve.
These are just some of the ways you can tell that your relationship should and can be saved. The surest way to tell is that you know both of you still care, but there are problems that you know need to be fixed and can be fixed.
There are some relationships that are too toxic to save, however. Advising on those is certainly beyond the scope of writing generally on this site. But, we can still meet if you think that may be the case.
Why children aren’t a good reason to stay married?
Children aren’t on the list because when married couples focus on their kids as the reason to keep a marriage together they often don’t address the problems within their marriage. Kids matter. Make no mistake about that. But your relationship needs to be ‘fixed’ because they matter. They are not the reason to hold on, but the reason to make things better.
Finally, the Good News about Divorce – Have You Ever Heard that 50% of Marriages End in Divorce?
You may have heard it said that 50% percent of all marriages end in divorce. I’m not sure where exactly we get this statistic from, probably from an episode of Seinfeld or something along those lines. But more important than where it comes from is that it’s not true.
Skip this paragraph if math makes you sad …
According to Statistics Canada (who doesn’t love getting a call from them?) only 7% of the Canadian population is divorced or separated. 40% of Canadians are married (not including common law), so this means that there are well over 5 times more married Canadians than there are currently divorced and separated Canadians. That’s a good figure. Stats Can projects that 35-42% of marriages will end in divorce. The figure may be even better for married couples in Victoria.
35% is a whole lot better than 50%
There’s something relieving about knowing that only 35% of marriages in Canada end in divorce or separation. It takes away some of the fatalism and preconceptions that some of my clients bring to the table. It lets us know that there are millions of other Canadians out there making their marriages work.
Some of them need professional marriage counselling. Others are loving their marriage more than anything else in their lives. While yet other marriages may just be too damaged to save.
Save your marriage – marriage counselling in Victoria BC
In the end, there are 2 main reasons marriages end. Some marriages end because there was sadly no way to save them. Others end because the spouses didn’t know how to fix the problems in their relationship. I don’t want you to fall into either of these categories. But I especially don’t want you to feel like your marriage could have been saved, but you didn’t know how.
Together we can work to save your marriage. Make no mistake, it is going to take effort. There’s no silver bullet. But I’ve worked with other couples and married couples, like yourself, who knew they needed to change something and also knew they needed help. It would be an honour to work with you on improving this most important part of your life. If you believe marriage counselling is the next step for you please contact me to arrange your free consultation.
You can reach me at (250) 380-0702 or via email